The Bullet, the Missile and the Woman In-Between

Golnaz Fathi, Untitled, acrylic on canvas 130x170cm, 2018 (courtesy Opera Gallery).

4 JULY 2025 • By Alireza Iranmehr
A meditation on how war distorts the perception of time, transforming events and emotions into distant memories.

 

Alireza Iranmehr

Translated by Salar Abdoh

 

Ever since getting shot with a rubber bullet while sitting outside of a café less than two years earlier, during the women’s movement, she was afraid of the slightest loud noise and of any crowds. She’d always remind me that a uniformed assailant had aimed at her by mistake and this seemed to bother her more than the shooting itself. As if the injustice from that supposed blunder was worse than the pain she’d had to endure. 

“My friend and I were sharing a carrot cake when he aimed his weapon at me from across the street.” 

Not long afterwards she moved far from the city to a township near Karaj, about 40 km from Tehran. She needed to distance herself from all the chaos and noise, she said. We’d known each other for over ten years, though I’d seen her only a couple of times since her move. But now that war had broken out and nowhere was safe, I thought I owed it to both of us to check on her. That rubber bullet had broken something deep inside her. I reasoned she must be more vulnerable than anyone I knew right now. 

So I took the metro, which was still working, all the way to the last stop in Karaj. From there to her house was a short distance. Everything seemed calm, the trees in full bloom. Then from far off a loud thud shook the ground. The waves from the blast felt like electricity in my bones. I searched for smoke but saw nothing. 

When she opened the door I tried to appear confident and smiled. She seemed even sadder than before. But her voice took me by surprise. She sounded relaxed, “Did you hear the sound?” 

The last time I’d seen her, the slightest loud bang could throw her into a panic. Now she was mentioning the blast as if it were some old tiresome thing she was already bored with. We drank tea in her small home and talked about what had been happening in the past few days. 

War stretches time. The things that had happened just two days ago felt like distant memories. How many times had she told me that the “mistaken” bullet made her hate anyone in uniform, but also her parents — and not just her parents but everybody, all the people of Tehran. She simply hated everybody. She was always looking for a way out of the country back then. To emigrate. To just go. Escape and become a refugee somewhere. But today she mentioned none of these things. Instead she said, “Did you see how they hit the Radio & Television Building?” She choked for a moment and added, “Remember that year when you took me there to give a voice test for radio? If I’d passed the test back then, I’d probably still be there. Under the rubble.” 

The voice test memory went back to exactly a decade ago when I first knew her. I was still a senior editor at the state Radio & Television in those days and worked radio. The mention of that time thickened the air between us. Nostalgia. And a wistfulness for the years that had seen us move into disheartened middle age — her hopes and dreams dashed with that unjust rubber bullet, and my own turned to smoke when the enemy reduced the place I once worked at to an ash heap only yesterday. 

Now the blasts outside multiplied. We listened. She drank tea and zealously watched videos of the war on her cellphone. Something about this was disturbing me. I’d come a long way here, during bombardment, because I thought she would be in disarray. Instead she appeared quite calm, watching one video after another. When she looked up and saw the disbelief in my face, she smiled and waved her phone at me. The screen clearly showed Iranian missiles heading in the pitch dark of night toward their targets. She said, “I wanted to post these videos. But, you know, I might lose a few good friends that way.” 

“You’re the last person in the world I expected this from.”  

Her smile was bitter this time. These missiles that she’d shown me were being aimed by the same military that had shot her. I could see she knew exactly what I was thinking. She added, “I don’t want my friends to think I’ve suddenly changed gears. I don’t want them to think I support war all of a sudden. But … I mean, look at what’s being done to us. I’m worried. I’m worried for our country. For Iran. For Tehran.” 

I nodded. The sincerity in her voice today sounded no different than two years ago when she would repeat how much she hated Tehran and all of its inhabitants. 

I had to get back to the metro station before they shut it for the night. Or, worse, what if the metro line was pummeled with bombs? Earlier I’d mentioned to her that I’d come back to Tehran to get some sketches of what was happening in the capital. Now she said, “If you write about me, please don’t mention my name.”

“I won’t.” 

When I came out of the house, the explosions felt bigger, closer. Like her, I too was worried about a lot of things. But this woman whom I had been worried about for so long was no longer one of my worries. She would be alright. 

 

Alireza Iranmehr

Alireza Iranmehr Alireza Iranmehr is a writer and essayist, who has received numerous honors and awards for his fiction. His first fictional work, Berim khoshgozaroni  [Let’s Go Revel] (Roshangaran Publishing, 2005) was followed by Safar ba gerdbad [Traveling with Tornado] (Institute for... Read more

Join Our Community

TMR exists thanks to its readers and supporters. By sharing our stories and celebrating cultural pluralism, we aim to counter racism, xenophobia, and exclusion with knowledge, empathy, and artistic expression.

RELATED

Columns

The Bullet, the Missile and the Woman In-Between

4 JULY 2025 • By Alireza Iranmehr
The Bullet, the Missile and the Woman In-Between
Essays

Life Under the Shadow of Missiles: the View From Iran

20 JUNE 2025 • By Amir
Life Under the Shadow of Missiles: the View From Iran
Essays

The Felines that Leave Us, and the Humans that Left

1 NOVEMBER 2024 • By Farnaz Haeri, Salar Abdoh
The Felines that Leave Us, and the Humans that Left
Book Reviews

An Iranian Novelist Seeks the Truth About a Plane Crash

15 JANUARY 2024 • By Sepideh Farkhondeh
An Iranian Novelist Seeks the Truth About a Plane Crash
Art & Photography

Iranian Women Photographers: Life, Freedom, Music, Art & Hair

20 NOVEMBER 2023 • By Malu Halasa
Iranian Women Photographers: Life, Freedom, Music, Art & Hair
Books

The Contemporary Literary Scene in Iran

1 OCTOBER 2023 • By Salar Abdoh
The Contemporary Literary Scene in Iran
Essays

A Day in the Life with Forugh Farrokhzad (and a Tortoise)

3 SEPTEMBER 2023 • By Fargol Malekpoosh
A Day in the Life with Forugh Farrokhzad (and a Tortoise)
Fiction

“Here, Freedom”—fiction from Danial Haghighi

2 JULY 2023 • By Danial Haghighi, Salar Abdoh
“Here, Freedom”—fiction from Danial Haghighi
Essays

“My Mother is a Tree”—a story by Aliyeh Ataei

2 JULY 2023 • By Aliyeh Ataei, Siavash Saadlou
“My Mother is a Tree”—a story by Aliyeh Ataei
Art & Photography

From the City to the Desert—Tahmineh Monzavi

4 JUNE 2023 • By Tahmineh Monzavi
From the City to the Desert—Tahmineh Monzavi
Photography

Iran on the Move—Photos by Peyman Hooshmandzadeh

1 MAY 2023 • By Peyman Hooshmandzadeh, Malu Halasa
Iran on the Move—Photos by Peyman Hooshmandzadeh
Art & Photography

TMR Conversations: Mana Neyestani, Graphic Novelist

1 MAY 2023 • By Malu Halasa
TMR Conversations: Mana Neyestani, Graphic Novelist
Film

Seven Winters in Tehran and the Execution of Reyhaneh Jabbari

10 APRIL 2023 • By Malu Halasa
<em>Seven Winters in Tehran</em> and the Execution of Reyhaneh Jabbari
Art

Nazanin Pouyandeh

5 MARCH 2023 • By TMR
Nazanin Pouyandeh
Columns

Letters From Tehran: Braving Tehran’s Roundabout, Maidan Valiasr

30 JANUARY 2023 • By TMR
Letters From Tehran: Braving Tehran’s Roundabout, Maidan Valiasr
Book Reviews

Editor’s Picks: Magical Realism in Iranian Lit

30 JANUARY 2023 • By Rana Asfour
Editor’s Picks: Magical Realism in Iranian Lit
Columns

Siri Hustvedt & Ahdaf Souief Write Letters to Imprisoned Writer Narges Mohammadi

15 DECEMBER 2022 • By TMR
Siri Hustvedt & Ahdaf Souief Write Letters to Imprisoned Writer Narges Mohammadi
Music

Revolutionary Hit Parade: 12+1 Protest Songs from Iran

15 DECEMBER 2022 • By Malu Halasa
Revolutionary Hit Parade: 12+1 Protest Songs from Iran
Columns

Music for Tomorrow: Iranians Yearn for Freedom

15 DECEMBER 2022 • By Nazanin Malekan
Music for Tomorrow: Iranians Yearn for Freedom
Columns

Letter From Tehran: From Hair to Hugs, Times Are Changing

28 NOVEMBER 2022 • By TMR
Essays

Farewell to a Football Love Affair in Iran

15 NOVEMBER 2022 • By Sara Mokhavat
Farewell to a Football Love Affair in Iran
Poetry

5 Poems & a Video—Essential Voices: Poetry of Iran and Its Diaspora

15 NOVEMBER 2022 • By TMR, Sholeh Wolpé
Columns

Women Are the Face of Iran’s Leaderless Revolution

24 OCTOBER 2022 • By Mahmood Karimi Hakak
Women Are the Face of Iran’s Leaderless Revolution
Opinion

Letter From Tehran: On the Pain of Others, Once Again

24 OCTOBER 2022 • By Sara Mokhavat
Letter From Tehran: On the Pain of Others, Once Again
Art & Photography

Homage to Mahsa Jhina Amini & the Women-Led Call for Freedom

15 OCTOBER 2022 • By TMR
Homage to Mahsa Jhina Amini & the Women-Led Call for Freedom
Art

Defiance—an essay from Sara Mokhavat

15 OCTOBER 2022 • By Sara Mokhavat, Salar Abdoh
Defiance—an essay from Sara Mokhavat
Art & Photography

Shirin Mohammad: Portrait of an Artist Between Berlin & Tehran

15 SEPTEMBER 2022 • By Noushin Afzali
Shirin Mohammad: Portrait of an Artist Between Berlin & Tehran
Music

Roxana Vilk’s Personal History of Iranian Music

20 JUNE 2022 • By Melissa Chemam
Roxana Vilk’s Personal History of Iranian Music
Fiction

“Buenos Aires of Her Eyes”—a story by Alireza Iranmehr

15 JUNE 2022 • By Alireza Iranmehr, Salar Abdoh
“Buenos Aires of Her Eyes”—a story by Alireza Iranmehr
Featured excerpt

Hawra Al-Nadawi: “Tuesday and the Green Movement”

15 JUNE 2022 • By Hawra Al-Nadawi, Alice Guthrie
Hawra Al-Nadawi: “Tuesday and the Green Movement”
Book Reviews

The Art of Remembrance in Abacus of Loss

15 MARCH 2022 • By Sherine Elbanhawy
The Art of Remembrance in <em>Abacus of Loss</em>
Art

Atia Shafee: Raw and Distant Memories

15 FEBRUARY 2022 • By Atia Shafee
Atia Shafee: Raw and Distant Memories
Art

Farzad Kohan: Love, Migration, Identity

15 FEBRUARY 2022 • By Farzad Kohan
Farzad Kohan: Love, Migration, Identity
Art

Baba Karam Lessons: Artist Amitis Motevalli

15 FEBRUARY 2022 • By Amitis Motevalli
Baba Karam Lessons: Artist Amitis Motevalli
Art & Photography

Hasteem, We Are Here: The Collective for Black Iranians

15 SEPTEMBER 2021 • By Maryam Sophia Jahanbin
Hasteem, We Are Here: The Collective for Black Iranians
Book Reviews

ISIS and the Absurdity of War in the Age of Twitter

4 JULY 2021 • By Jessica Proett
ISIS and the Absurdity of War in the Age of Twitter

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

2 × 4 =

Scroll to Top