“Deferred Sorrow”—fiction from Haidar Al Ghazali

No shelter from war, in Gaza a child sits among the ruins of the Nuseirat Preparatory Boys’ School (© 2024 UNRWA photo by Fadi Thabet).

5 JULY 2024 • By Haidar Al Ghazali, Rana Asfour
A Palestinian father during the war on Gaza makes an impossible choice.

 

Haidar Al Ghazali

Translated from the Arabic by Rana Asfour

 

Within minutes, everyone became aware of 12-year-old Mahmoud’s screams as he was struck with shrapnel in the head.

“God is great! God is great!” shouted Abu Salma.

Abu Nassar quickly picked up his son and rushed him to the shelter’s medical center. The father desperately tried to stop the bleeding, but with no success. Upon arrival, he found the emergency room bustling with the sounds of the moaning wounded, the snores of the patients, and the wails of the grieving. He realized it was only equipped with the most basic services, which were far from adequate for the situation at hand. And so, Abu Nassar laid his son on the floor and went in search of anything to stop the bleeding. After returning with useless bandages, Abu Nassar ripped off his own shirt to tie around his son’s wound. At this point, he surmised the futility of his actions; his son was suffering from internal hemorrhaging.

Abu Salma watched the entire scene unfold before him. He attempted to assist Abu Nassar at the same time trying to calm families and children until Abu Nassar’s words rendered him immobile with shock.

“The boy is suffering from internal bleeding and requires immediate hospital care. You see the situation we’re facing. Let’s save whoever else can be saved.”

“What do you mean?” asked a bewildered Abu Salma.

“I mean, we step outside and help with treatable injuries. My son is dying. I hope that at least his soul will be at peace if I help save those that I can.”

Abu Salma couldn’t believe what he had just heard. Was it possible for a father to abandon his son for his countrymen?

Abu Nassar covered his son’s face and proceeded with his mission. Questions crowded his mind as he attended to the wounds of men, women, and children. What did Gazans do to warrant all this pain? Whose fault was it that the children only knew the color red from roses and clothes for Eid? Why were their bodies drenched in blood?

After some time, Abu Nassar returned to where his son lay peacefully on the floor. The boy was drawing the final breaths of his short-lived existence in a country that made life uncertain and death a viable certainty.

If only the shelling would stop for a while, to allow their terror of the populace to subside, then there would be time to grieve and weep. For now, Abu Nassar had no time for tears. Death still threatened the four lives of his family who were depending on him. He had to believe there was a way to survive.

Abu Salma thought that sheltering at a UNRWA school guaranteed safety, that any danger would have, at least, been signaled by a siren. However, the shells gradually approached until they inevitably landed, unannounced, in the schoolyard. I’m unable to comprehend how we, as humans, can be reduced to mere body parts. It’s perplexing how our bodies fail us and break into fragments that fly through the air. It’s deeply upsetting to come across a detached hand and attempt to locate its owner afterwards. If this war ever ends, how will a child return to the same school where his mother or brother died? Will he be able to run in the schoolyard, or will the memories of those deaths cling to his every step, dragging him down?

When there was a brief pause in the shelling, Abu Nassar hurried to Abu Salma and urged him to leave the school and head south.

“I agree, but what are you going to do about your son?”

Abu Nassar looked around. The casualties were overwhelming. Bruised and broken bodies, strewn everywhere, had no recourse for escape other than succumbing to death. The survivors were loading the corpses onto carts for burial in mass graves on empty plots of land that had been donated by their owners for this purpose. Without uttering a single word, Abu Nassar lifted his son and, still maintaining his silence, laid him into one of the carts.

“What are you doing?” Abu Salma said.

“Yalla. To the south,” said Abu Nassar. “When your beloved has no grave, you will see them in every green plant that sprouts from the ground. You will imagine that all the clouds must be raining just for them.”

And so, Abu Nassar left his son among the dead on the cart and departed. He carried with him the enduring memory of his son, for whom he would unleash a flood of pent-up tears once the war was over.

 

Haidar Al Ghazali

Haidar Al Ghazali Haidar Al Ghazali is 20 years old, trapped in Gaza. He writes poetry yet claims he is not a poet. Melissa Barrera recites his poem “The Intifada of the Free Youth,” on YouTube, as part of the Palestinian Festival of... Read more

Rana Asfour

Rana Asfour is the Managing Editor at The Markaz Review, as well as a freelance writer, book critic, and translator. Her work has appeared in such publications as Madame Magazine, The Guardian UK, and The National/UAE. She chairs TMR's English-language Book Club,... Read more

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4 JUNE 2023 • By Hassan Abdulrazzak
Arab Theatre Grapples With Climate Change, Borders, War & Love
Poetry

Three Poems by Elena Karina Byrne

2 MAY 2023 • By Elena Karina Byrne
Three Poems by Elena Karina Byrne
Opinion

Nurredin Amro’s Epic Battle to Save His Home From Demolition

24 APRIL 2023 • By Nora Lester Murad
Nurredin Amro’s Epic Battle to Save His Home From Demolition
Essays

When a Country is not a Country—the Chimera of Borders

17 APRIL 2023 • By Ara Oshagan
When a Country is not a Country—the Chimera of Borders
Essays

Artsakh and the Truth About the Legend of Monte Melkonian

17 APRIL 2023 • By Seta Kabranian-Melkonian
Artsakh and the Truth About the Legend of Monte Melkonian
Film Reviews

Yallah Gaza! Presents the Case for Gazan Humanity

10 APRIL 2023 • By Karim Goury
<em>Yallah Gaza!</em> Presents the Case for Gazan Humanity
Beirut

Tel Aviv-Beirut, a Film on War, Love & Borders

20 MARCH 2023 • By Karim Goury
<em>Tel Aviv-Beirut</em>, a Film on War, Love & Borders
Essays

Home Under Siege: a Palestine Photo Essay

5 MARCH 2023 • By Anam Raheem
Home Under Siege: a Palestine Photo Essay
Book Reviews

Yemen War Survivors Speak in What Have You Left Behind?

20 FEBRUARY 2023 • By Saliha Haddad
Yemen War Survivors Speak in <em>What Have You Left Behind?</em>
Beirut

Arab Women’s War Stories, Oral Histories from Lebanon

13 FEBRUARY 2023 • By Evelyne Accad
Arab Women’s War Stories, Oral Histories from Lebanon
TV Review

Palestinian Territories Under Siege But Season 4 of Fauda Goes to Brussels and Beirut Instead

6 FEBRUARY 2023 • By Brett Kline
Palestinian Territories Under Siege But Season 4 of <em>Fauda</em> Goes to Brussels and Beirut Instead
Art

The Creative Resistance in Palestinian Art

26 DECEMBER 2022 • By Malu Halasa
The Creative Resistance in Palestinian Art
Book Reviews

Mohamed Makhzangi Despairs at Man’s Cruelty to Animals

26 DECEMBER 2022 • By Saliha Haddad
Mohamed Makhzangi Despairs at Man’s Cruelty to Animals
Art

Museums in Exile—MO.CO’s show for Chile, Sarajevo & Palestine

12 DECEMBER 2022 • By Jordan Elgrably
Museums in Exile—MO.CO’s show for Chile, Sarajevo & Palestine
Editorial

You Don’t Have to Be A Super Hero to Be a Heroine

15 OCTOBER 2022 • By TMR
You Don’t Have to Be A Super Hero to Be a Heroine
Film

Ziad Kalthoum: Trajectory of a Syrian Filmmaker

15 SEPTEMBER 2022 • By Viola Shafik
Ziad Kalthoum: Trajectory of a Syrian Filmmaker
Art

Abundant Middle Eastern Talent at the ’22 Avignon Theatre Fest

18 JULY 2022 • By Nada Ghosn
Abundant Middle Eastern Talent at the ’22 Avignon Theatre Fest
Fiction

Where to Now, Ya Asfoura?—a story by Sarah AlKahly-Mills

15 JULY 2022 • By Sarah AlKahly-Mills
Where to Now, Ya Asfoura?—a story by Sarah AlKahly-Mills
Film Reviews

War and Trauma in Yemen: Asim Abdulaziz’s “1941”

15 JULY 2022 • By Farah Abdessamad
War and Trauma in Yemen: Asim Abdulaziz’s “1941”
Book Reviews

A Poet and Librarian Catalogs Life in Gaza

20 JUNE 2022 • By Eman Quotah
A Poet and Librarian Catalogs Life in Gaza
Art & Photography

Featured Artist: Steve Sabella, Beyond Palestine

15 JUNE 2022 • By TMR
Featured Artist: Steve Sabella, Beyond Palestine
Art & Photography

Steve Sabella: Excerpts from “The Parachute Paradox”

15 JUNE 2022 • By Steve Sabella
Steve Sabella: Excerpts from “The Parachute Paradox”
Fiction

Karim Kattan: “The Gravedigger”

15 JUNE 2022 • By Karim Kattan
Karim Kattan: “The Gravedigger”
Book Reviews

Fragmented Love in Alison Glick’s “The Other End of the Sea”

16 MAY 2022 • By Nora Lester Murad
Fragmented Love in Alison Glick’s “The Other End of the Sea”
Film

Art Film Depicts the Landlocked Drama of Nagorno-Karabakh

2 MAY 2022 • By Taline Voskeritchian
Art Film Depicts the Landlocked Drama of Nagorno-Karabakh
Latest Reviews

Food in Palestine: Five Videos From Nasser Atta

15 APRIL 2022 • By Nasser Atta
Food in Palestine: Five Videos From Nasser Atta
Opinion

U.S. Sanctions Russia for its Invasion of Ukraine; Now Sanction Israel for its Occupation of Palestine

21 MARCH 2022 • By Yossi Khen, Jeff Warner
U.S. Sanctions Russia for its Invasion of Ukraine; Now Sanction Israel for its Occupation of Palestine
Columns

Nowruz and The Sins of the New Day

21 MARCH 2022 • By Maha Tourbah
Nowruz and The Sins of the New Day
Essays

Mariupol, Ukraine and the Crime of Hospital Bombing

17 MARCH 2022 • By Neve Gordon, Nicola Perugini
Mariupol, Ukraine and the Crime of Hospital Bombing
Art

Fiction: “Skin Calluses” by Khalil Younes

15 MARCH 2022 • By Khalil Younes
Fiction: “Skin Calluses” by Khalil Younes
Columns

“There’s Nothing Worse Than War”

24 FEBRUARY 2022 • By Jordan Elgrably
“There’s Nothing Worse Than War”
Fiction

Fiction from “Free Fall”: I fled the city as a murderer whose crime had just been uncovered

15 JANUARY 2022 • By Abeer Esber, Nouha Homad
Fiction from “Free Fall”: I fled the city as a murderer whose crime had just been uncovered
Book Reviews

Temptations of the Imagination: how Jana Elhassan and Samar Yazbek transmogrify the world

10 JANUARY 2022 • By Rana Asfour
Temptations of the Imagination: how Jana Elhassan and Samar Yazbek transmogrify the world
Book Reviews

The Vanishing: Are Arab Christians an Endangered Minority?

15 NOVEMBER 2021 • By Hadani Ditmars
The Vanishing: Are Arab Christians an Endangered Minority?
Film Reviews

Will Love Triumph in the Midst of Gaza’s 14-Year Siege?

11 OCTOBER 2021 • By Jordan Elgrably
Will Love Triumph in the Midst of Gaza’s 14-Year Siege?
Memoir

“Guns and Figs” from Heba Hayek’s new Gaza book

1 AUGUST 2021 • By Heba Hayek
“Guns and Figs” from Heba Hayek’s new Gaza book
Weekly

Heba Hayek’s Gaza Memories

1 AUGUST 2021 • By Shereen Malherbe
Heba Hayek’s Gaza Memories
Weekly

Wafa Shami’s Palestinian Mulukhiyah

25 JULY 2021 • By Wafa Shami
Wafa Shami’s Palestinian Mulukhiyah
Weekly

Fadi Kattan’s Fatteh Ghazawiya الفتة الغزاوية

25 JULY 2021 • By Fadi Kattan
Fadi Kattan’s Fatteh Ghazawiya الفتة الغزاوية
Columns

When War is Just Another Name for Murder

15 JULY 2021 • By Norman G. Finkelstein
When War is Just Another Name for Murder
Fiction

Gazan Skies, from the novel “Out of It”

14 JULY 2021 • By Selma Dabbagh
Gazan Skies, from the novel “Out of It”
Art

Malak Mattar — Gaza Artist and Survivor

14 JULY 2021 • By Jordan Elgrably
Malak Mattar — Gaza Artist and Survivor
Essays

The Gaza Mythologies

14 JULY 2021 • By Ilan Pappé
The Gaza Mythologies
Columns

The Semantics of Gaza, War and Truth

14 JULY 2021 • By Mischa Geracoulis
The Semantics of Gaza, War and Truth
Latest Reviews

No Exit

14 JULY 2021 • By Allam Zedan
No Exit
Essays

Gaza, You and Me

14 JULY 2021 • By Abdallah Salha
Gaza, You and Me
Columns

Gaza’s Catch-22s

14 JULY 2021 • By Khaled Diab
Gaza’s Catch-22s
Essays

Making a Film in Gaza

14 JULY 2021 • By Elana Golden
Making a Film in Gaza
Essays

Gaza IS Palestine

14 JULY 2021 • By Jenine Abboushi
Gaza IS Palestine
Latest Reviews

A Response to “Gaza: Mowing the Lawn” 2014-15

14 JULY 2021 • By Tony Litwinko
A Response to “Gaza: Mowing the Lawn” 2014-15
Centerpiece

“Gaza: Mowing the Lawn” by Artist Jaime Scholnick

14 JULY 2021 • By Sagi Refael
“Gaza: Mowing the Lawn” by Artist Jaime Scholnick
Essays

Sailing to Gaza to Break the Siege

14 JULY 2021 • By Greta Berlin
Sailing to Gaza to Break the Siege
Book Reviews

ISIS and the Absurdity of War in the Age of Twitter

4 JULY 2021 • By Jessica Proett
ISIS and the Absurdity of War in the Age of Twitter
Weekly

A New Book on Music, Palestine-Israel & the “Three State Solution”

28 JUNE 2021 • By Mark LeVine
A New Book on Music, Palestine-Israel & the “Three State Solution”
Art

The Murals of Yemen’s Haifa Subay

14 MAY 2021 • By Farah Abdessamad
The Murals of Yemen’s Haifa Subay
Poetry

A visual poem from Hala Alyan: Gaza

14 MARCH 2021 • By TMR
A visual poem from Hala Alyan: Gaza
TMR 6 • Revolutions

Ten Years of Hope and Blood

14 FEBRUARY 2021 • By Robert Solé
Ten Years of Hope and Blood

1 thought on ““Deferred Sorrow”—fiction from Haidar Al Ghazali”

  1. Rosanna Achilleos-Sarll

    “Today’s sun won’t bring harm. The plants in the pots will arrange themselves for a gentle visitor. It will be bright enough to help mothers to dry their laundry quickly, and cool enough for the children to play all day. Today’s sun will not be harsh on anyone.” RIP Fatima Hassouna

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